I’m back in therapy. Long story short is if I get a physical pain in my body I fear the cancer is back. I was good for many years yet this fear has woven its way in and is something I need to work through.
As I was doing my homework for therapy yesterday, at the end of my journal entry I wrote “I got through the day and didn’t give into the fear or the feelings.”
Fear is a real thing and God gave us feelings. These aren’t bad things yet how we engage with them matters. I have found in life when I allow fear or my feelings to lead me, they don’t consistently lead me well and in these circumstances, they often lead me to being in fight, flight or freezing.
Yesterday when I got the physical sensation in my body, my mind went to my now fearful thought pattern. I was out with Matt and I was ready to go home and just freeze the rest of the day. Yet instead I prayed for new thoughts to break the old thought pattern. I also chose to engage in a new behavior, which was to not allow myself to stay still and freeze. I talked myself into what was true and chose to do one errand at a time as I had planned.
It would have been easier for me to go home and freeze getting stuck in the negative thought cycle because that is now my habit. Yet I know that is not how I will heal or what I want my habits to be moving forward. Instead, I chose to do the harder thing; to acknowledge my unproductive thoughts, state new, true thoughts and kept going along with my day, not letting the fear hold me back.
As I reflect on this process, I am reminded that God did not give us a spirit of fear but a Spirit of power, love and self-control (2 Timothy 1:6).
In His strength, not my own, I was able to move through the challenging afternoon yesterday.
I know this will be a journey. I pray to turn towards what is true and allow God, Spirit and therapy help me get out of this unproductive cycle of thought I have been stuck in.
I share this today because I know I am not the only one who struggles with fear and unproductive thought patterns. If you can relate, invite you to join me to…
pause. breathe. pray.
May God open our eyes to where we are living in fear and what our unproductive thought patterns are. Let’s meet ourselves with love and compassion as He meets us. May we pray to see what tools we need beyond prayer to help us through the fear, and help us move away from old patterns/habits into new ones. May we have no shame or guilt about this process. Instead may we see it as a time to grow closer in relationship with God and to prune away what isn’t working so we can grow fuller into who God made us to be.
With love and hope,
Shawn
God did not give us a spirit of fear but a Spirit of power, love and self-control - 2 Timothy 1:6